ADHD Valentine Nightmare
February 14, 2008
This is a serger. Today, Valentine’s Day, I must learn how to use it. In lieu of chocolates, flowers or fornication, I have decided to spend the entire day and evening with the serger. It can’t be as disappointing as a man or any more difficult to figure out. A serger finishes seams so that they don’t ravel. I bought it on E-Bay so that I could make professional looking Vermarvelous Pants. I will know what I am on the right dose of Adderall because I will be able to read the instruction manual and thread the upper loop and left loop and right loop and lower loop and adjust the thread cutter and thread guide pole and the feeding of the rubber spool holders and thread tensions. Supposedly, by threading the left needle only a width of 6mm will be produced, while threading two needles will produce a width of 3.8mm. The instruction manual, English, Spanish and French, makes more sense in Spanish although I cannot read Spanish. “Con la Batea de hilos en esta posicion, cogera todos materiales gastodos.” Okay, no problem, but ou est la mother fucking lint tray?
365 Days Ago
February 3, 2008
According to my diary, on Feb 3rd of last year, I was swimming with my mother in Florida. Today, I am not swimming with my mother in Florida and the only way I was able to contain my grief was to make a pot of soup. The soup she used to make for me when I had bronchitis, a yearly event from age 2 to 15. A sickly child, the soup propped me up for a few months as did the treasured week-long break from the torturous mundanity of a classroom. I was able to relapse quickly by sitting in a snowbank at recess without my coat or just plain willing my throat sore.
ADHD Challenges
December 9, 2007
It is time I convinced my doctor that whining for Ritalin is not drug seeking behavior. Yes, everyone says they’re ADHD or ADD, while in fact they are only nervous, anxious, manic or real happy. My doctor and I have discussed the fact that I cannot make a sandwich, but he still is not convinced. Let’s say I have a jar of mayonaise, slices of turkey, cheese, ham and two slices of bread. A knife. A plate. I do not make the sandwich. I eat the turkey and cheese and ham as is, and eat the bread as is, and sometimes dip a spoon into the mayonaise. All ingredients end up in my stomach at about the same time, so I figure it can coagulate into a sandwich there. Read more
Featured Article:
Dumb- Ster
The cop looked in the dumpster and noticed a picture of his wife. He had just received a complaint from the Olympic Sports store that someone had dumped bags of garbage in their dumpster. That someone was me. I’d cleaned out a few drawers of hometown memories that morning, – high school notebooks, graduation pictures, diplomas, clippings and headed into what I thought was a free-for-all dumpster tucked behind a strip mall. After I threw the bags into the dumpster I took a walk with the dog and when I returned to my car I was met by the policeman and the assistant manager of the Olympic Sports store. Read more »