Dumb- Ster
June 2, 2009
The cop looked in the dumpster and noticed a picture of his wife. He had just received a complaint from the Olympic Sports store that someone had dumped bags of garbage in their dumpster. That someone was me. I’d cleaned out a few drawers of hometown memories that morning, – high school notebooks, graduation pictures, diplomas, clippings and headed into what I thought was a free-for-all dumpster tucked behind a strip mall. After I threw the bags into the dumpster I took a walk with the dog and when I returned to my car I was met by the policeman and the assistant manager of the Olympic Sports store. Read more
Friend bribes me with Cash to write a Book
May 25, 2009
Things I’ll do before I sit down to write: almost anything. Delayed gratification is not an option for me because I do not believe that tomorrow ever comes. So why would I do anything that requires waiting for a pay off, or worse yet, work on anything without a guarantee that I will reap some reward? I hear many drummer’s and they’re all playing a different tune. My mind jumps, so a good friend is bribing me to write a book. He is bribing me with cash per finished chapter. My response to this Pavlovian exercise has been astounding. All I have to do is write a chapter, and then another chapter, and each time I finish a chapter, I get a reward, whether or not the chapters are good, whether or not the book sells. I am just writing the book — not worrying about whether it’s good or whether it will sell. I am off my own back. Because my sponsor has no conditions other than finishing a chapter before a payment, I just sit down and the words roll out of me from an entirely different place than usual. I am free to just write the book and a book is evolving without an outline. This good friend is not a money-bag, which makes this arrangement all the more poignant. Suddenly I feel tangible– which makes me realize that I do not think of myself as authentic. More of a poltergeist, floating above a past of futile effort, bad luck, bad timing, false starts, failures heaped and hidden behind a sardonic sense of the world that I have lost faith in. I’ll admit it: I have lost hope. I feel I have some ancient Irish curse on my head which prevents me from any monetary success. And of course, now I am addicted to the money struggles– which take up a huge part of the day– just the worry and fret of it — and the time and energy it takes to worry about money detracts from the time I have to fail again. Failure takes time. You have to work at something to fail successfully. You have to dream. You have to methodically and courageously participate in that dream. You have to brainwash yourself into believing in the dream. There’s no room for second guessing or mindless worry. My past weighs so heavy on me. A realist, I don’t believe in the tooth fairy or destiny. I did, yes, long ago. Hey, look at me. I should be writing a chapter now instead of discussing why I wouldn’t bother writing a chapter if not for my Fairy Godfather.
Don’t Give Up Late Bloomers!
April 30, 2009
The gifted adult: a lot going on inside
Growing up, many people with exceptional ability and multiple talents experience themselves as too different to fit in with ‘normal’ groups.
As adults, some do become the high achievers that Malcolm Gladwell writes about in his book Outliers: The Story of Success [see the post Outliers and developing exceptional abilities.]
But there are many internal barriers to prominence and achievement for gifted and talented people.
Researchers on the psychology of giftedness and gifted adults, have detailed these dynamics, and many are explored on this site, including the High Ability section.
Social reactions
“They realize they are intense, driven, and complex, but they have been taught that their strong personalities are excessive, too different from the norm, and consequently wrong,” writes Mary-Elaine Jacobsen in her book The Gifted Adult.
She adds, “In a culture that often equates different with wrong, it’s inevitable that gifted adults point a critical finger toward themselves as the source of their discontent: Why can’t I just be like everyone else? Shouldn’t I have outgrown this type of identity crisis by now? Why can’t I (overcome) this nagging sense of urgency? Will I ever feel satisfied? What’s wrong with me?”
Complex and deep thinking
Lesley Sword, Director of Gifted & Creative Services Australia, declares, “It is the combination of complex and deep thinking and rich and intense emotion that produces the gifted persons’ greater potential for high achievement.”
[From her article Psycho-social Needs: Understanding The Emotional, Intellectual and Social Uniqueness Of Growing Up Gifted. See list of articles by Lesley Sword.]
On the Gifted Adults page of her site, she notes: “There is no magic age when giftedness disappears. Gifted children grow into gifted adults with the same unique attributes and life issues.
“However, gifted adults are rarely aware of their giftedness. Some misinterpret their complex and deep way of thinking as ‘craziness’.
“Some mistake their emotional intensity for emotional immaturity or see it as a character flaw. Because they have never been given information to explain what is “normal for gifted” they frequently experience frustration in the world, alienation, anger, self-blame and emptiness.
“Gifted people have characteristics that transcend the boundaries of age, nationality, gender and occupation.”
Some traits and qualities
Here are some of the characteristics she lists, with links I have added to related pages on this site.
* Are you a perfectionist?
* Do you have strong moral convictions?
* Do you have a passion for justice?
* Are you highly sensitive?
* Do you have passionate, intense feelings?
* Do you have a great sense of humor?
* Are you intuitive, perceptive or insightful?
* Are you fascinated by words or an avid reader?
* Do you often feel out-of-sync with others?
* Are you very curious or a good problem solver?
* Do you have a vivid imagination?
* Do you often question rules or authority?
* Do you thrive on challenge?
* Do you feel overwhelmed by many interests and abilities?
* Do you love ideas and ardent discussion?
* Do you need periods of contemplation
April 29, 2009
Stop It!
April 13, 2009
Stop it! Stop trying! Stop the Vaudeville Monkey Dance! Stop “stooping to conquer” – it’s over, the game, the dream, the plan, the linked-in, Facebooked, You Tubed You.
The end of hope is the beginning of art. It has taken me 56 glorious failures in 56 confusing years to figure that out. Now I get it…and I get it good. If they don’t get it, you don’t want them to get it.
Sunset at Auchwitz
March 30, 2009
If you Are Crying, You are on the Wrong Track.
March 23, 2009
This photo was taken during a call from a jazz club, firing me for a reason they could not comprehend themselves. 100 thrilled audience members, 1 asshole. One asshole trumps a crowd, so I suggest you become an asshole if you hunger for power. It was time, long ago, for me to separate myself from businesses dependent on total acceptability from the masses. And yet, there is the promise of the steady 100 bucks, a weeks groceries. Is it worth it? I want you to consider this question as it relates to your own inner or outer sobbing manifestations. This photo was taken in 2002, in Sarasota, Florida, while I was living and caring for my mother in that swamp land of escapism. I just found the picture at a friend’s house, the friend who took the picture. He knew that someday I would appreciate the photo. It would teach me something. And it does. How ridiculous to weep over the loss of a negative. It takes many slaps in the face to wake us up. I am happy to have this photo as a reminder that a happy deep sleep in the bosom of the mediocre is not my destiny.
The State of Performance Art and Music in Providence
March 18, 2009
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Dumb- Ster
The cop looked in the dumpster and noticed a picture of his wife. He had just received a complaint from the Olympic Sports store that someone had dumped bags of garbage in their dumpster. That someone was me. I’d cleaned out a few drawers of hometown memories that morning, – high school notebooks, graduation pictures, diplomas, clippings and headed into what I thought was a free-for-all dumpster tucked behind a strip mall. After I threw the bags into the dumpster I took a walk with the dog and when I returned to my car I was met by the policeman and the assistant manager of the Olympic Sports store. Read more »