Will Sing for Champagne
November 11, 2008
Here it comes. Stalemate. Good thing I love a challenge, like finding a jazz gig as the recession deepens, consumers stay home and eat canned beans, club owners panic. I have decided that if need be, I will perform for free, or at least for champagne. As Oscar Wilde said, “Give me the luxuries and I’ll live without the necessities.” During hard times, don’t give up every indulgence, cut back on necessities instead. Close the doors in your house and only heat one room but buy fresh flowers for your table. You need beauty and laughter to offset the darkening mood. Give extra time and help to your friends. Take in the stray cat. A simpler time is coming. Simple and tough. What a wonderful opportunity to practice your survivor skills and long dormant generosities. The silver lining is clearly evident, moreso now than ever. Those of us who have suffered the humility of being spoiled and indulged can reinvent ourselves. We’ve always been curious, haven’t we — How would we fare? — the answer is just around the corner. Seize the day!
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There is somebody in my house in Vermont. A nice man is renting my house and I am thrilled because that man is renting my house and sending me money so that I can rent an apartment in Providence. Now, wait a minute. Does this make sense? I thought so, a few weeks ago, when I was working here, singing, planning, organizing, hob-knobbing, but as of today, as I lugged a bunch of my crap up two flights of stairs on the East Side, all the while knowing I would have to lug the crap back down the two flights of stairs a few months from now— as of today, I thought to myself, “Gee, I don’t feel very good in my head” I sat on the stairs, dirty stairs, very dirty, and considered my situation. I blamed the town of Bridport , Vermont, for not having a Dunkin Donut’s or a Cafe, a bar or a nightclub, a college, tennis courts, health club, movie theater. Then I blamed myself for wanting those things. Then I blamed myself for having those things here in Providence and not taking advantage of them because I like staying home and reading in bed. Now, if I like staying home and reading in bed, why don’t I just move back to my own home, in Bridport, and wait out the winter with Charles Dickens and Mark Twain? Now that I have rented my house, I miss it. It is not available. That is why I was so sad today, moving into what I thought was a nice apartment on the East Side. It is somebody elses house and always will be, no matter how many knick knacks, rugs, paintings, books, personal items I stuff into it. Renting makes me feel insecure, more insecure than worrying about how to pay my property tax. It’s silly, because none of us own anything fully. Still, sombody is in MY house and i am in somebody else’s house, and it’s ridiculous in a way that I can’t quite comprehend and it is making me very very sad.