Fat Britches for Slender Bitches
March 19, 2008
AP:Vermarvelous Headquarters: After months of desperate searching, I have found the antique Irish linen needed to begin manufacturing Vermarvelous Britches for Bitches. These pictures show how versatile these pants can be. Top Photo, my friend, Tara, just happily walking down the street without a care in the world. Next Photo, 
me, heading for a soiree, or searching for doggie droppings. Talk about versatility.
Slender women naturally gravitate to form fitting pants. This is a big mistake because you don’t look as good in them as you think, and even if you do, you look cheap, desperate and vain. My pants offer a more sophisticated, subtle sexiness. The narrow, elasticized waistband and enormous flowing pant legs accentuate your perfect butt without the embarrassment of panti-lines or wedgies. Knowing full well that this is not enough of a reason for you to forgo spandex, Vermarvelous will also offer very sheer, see-through silk and fine cotton eyelet pants with either matching or flesh colored underwear so that you will not be arrested for indecent exposure as you reveal perfect thighs, legs and ankles. These britches will not be sold in stores, only word of mouth, friend to friend. I look forward to taking your measurements. Prices vary depending on fabric: Antique linen: $450. Silks: $300, See-through Silk/poly blends with undergarment $250. Summer Cotton: $100. Vermont Maid-to-Order.
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There is somebody in my house in Vermont. A nice man is renting my house and I am thrilled because that man is renting my house and sending me money so that I can rent an apartment in Providence. Now, wait a minute. Does this make sense? I thought so, a few weeks ago, when I was working here, singing, planning, organizing, hob-knobbing, but as of today, as I lugged a bunch of my crap up two flights of stairs on the East Side, all the while knowing I would have to lug the crap back down the two flights of stairs a few months from now— as of today, I thought to myself, “Gee, I don’t feel very good in my head” I sat on the stairs, dirty stairs, very dirty, and considered my situation. I blamed the town of Bridport , Vermont, for not having a Dunkin Donut’s or a Cafe, a bar or a nightclub, a college, tennis courts, health club, movie theater. Then I blamed myself for wanting those things. Then I blamed myself for having those things here in Providence and not taking advantage of them because I like staying home and reading in bed. Now, if I like staying home and reading in bed, why don’t I just move back to my own home, in Bridport, and wait out the winter with Charles Dickens and Mark Twain? Now that I have rented my house, I miss it. It is not available. That is why I was so sad today, moving into what I thought was a nice apartment on the East Side. It is somebody elses house and always will be, no matter how many knick knacks, rugs, paintings, books, personal items I stuff into it. Renting makes me feel insecure, more insecure than worrying about how to pay my property tax. It’s silly, because none of us own anything fully. Still, sombody is in MY house and i am in somebody else’s house, and it’s ridiculous in a way that I can’t quite comprehend and it is making me very very sad.